Oh, you delicious nectar. You life-giving, revitalizing, brown liquid gold. How do I love thee? When I have a splitting lightning-like headache, you rescue me from the bowels of a wasted day and remind me I MUST go to the gym. I have to press on out of respect to you. When I am paralyzed on the couch with a wicked hangover, you remind me that life is worth living. When I am stuck driving through the middle of nowhere, the thought of pulling over and bringing my friend Diet Coke along for the ride always offers respite. When I have taken too big of a bite, you clear my esophagus. You. Are. Lifesaving.
People speak of you in terms of ’empty liquid’ that ‘has no benefit’ I have to admit, I have stayed quiet. I have stayed quiet because I was embarrassed of my utter dependence on you. I felt weak! For shame.
No more will I stand back and let people trash your good name Diet Coke. I will shout it out! I will share the gospel that is Diet Coke and stand by you in the face of adversity. It’s no mere accident that you were introduced on Independence Day. You have made me independent of stupid Diet Pepsi, which came before you. You have freed me from high calorie drinks. I do think it’s perfectly alright to eat pizza and drink you.
Diet Coke, you are a goddess.